I'm half gone.........

My Life in a box

Well i do not know if this title will really fit this blog but I had to call it something. This last week has been the longest of my life or at least it feels like that. It has definetly not been one of my best......long story short ...my world was ripped apart but thank god I finally feel like I am putting it back together piece by piece. The unfortunate part if that I am trying to find answers from others rather than looking to myself for them. I have never done that before and I feel ashamed that I have done it.....Feel niave and weak. That I actually let myself be duped.....unfortunetly right now there is still part of me that holds on to everything she said to me in hopes that she really knew me.....really knew what I was about ........but thats not possible....no one really knows me....no one really gets me.........and thats the sad part......
SHe was right about a lot of things.....so i suppose all i can do is wait.........its killing me....ripping me apart one thread at a time.......but i hope to be able to pick up the pieces later.......i dunno what will happen......i cant only wait.

A wise man once said

uncertainty sucks...in relationships.. uncertainty in life, is kind of exciting (scary but exciting)

Thank you thank you thank you, I dont think I could have said it better.....all of this uncertainty is doing a number on my health thats for sure.... I needed this conversation tonight...it opened my eyes to a lot of things. Thank you. and Thank you for this song .........funny how sometimes other people just know what you need, and maybe they do not even know that they are helping you......thats the best part.

Hey your glass is empty
It's a hell of a long way home
Why don't you let me take you
It's no good to go alone

I never would have opened up
But you seemed so real to me
After all the bullshit i've heard
It's refreshing not to
see
I don't have to pretend

She doesn't expect it from me

So don't tell me I haven't been good to you
So don't tell meI haven't been there for you
Just tell me why
Nothing is good enough

Hey little girlWould you like some candy
Your momma said that it's okay
The door is open
Come on outside
No I can't come out today
It's not the wind that's cracked your shoulder
And threw you to the ground
Who's there that makes you so afraid
You're shaken to the bone
You know I don't understand
You deserve so much more than this
So don't tell me whyHe's never been good to you
Don't tell me whyHe's never been there for you
And I'll tell you that
Why simply isn't good enough

So just let me try
And I will be good to you
Just let me
try
And I will be there for you
I'll show you why
You're so much more
Than good enough

I suppose all I can do is wait...simply because I think its worth it. SO we'll see......dun dun dun.....;)

On a brighter note my mom gave me and AWESOME gift today. She gave me the ring of hers that I have wanted since I was a little girl. My dad gave it to her when they were dating and when she was pregnant he had to cut it off her finger and she never got it fixed...UNTIL now. SO now I have this beautiful ruby ring that fits my size 6 ring finger perfectly....and I am so excited. I was jumping around costco tonight like a weirdo...but its awesome and perfect and just what I needed right now.

sweet dreams to me.....lets hope tonight is better than yesterday.......no sleep...bad dreams....you name it it happened.

ciao

FUnny how thoughts hit you

I know my blogs are going to be somewhat depressing...but please be patient.

I thought we were rare......Not many people like us......but i suppose that doesnt make things work.....

Like A Slap in the Face.....

Ever had one of those? it stings like a bitch.....and most of the time you never see it coming. Thats exactly what I got yesterday, perfect alignment, right square in the face. And in this particular case it wasnt the sting that hurt the most. Its the numbness, the fact that I feel stupid, like a fool. After all we have been though, after how hard we have fought for this relationship....."Mr Big" now needs some space.....or rather a week as he put it? as if the clarity of life's unknowns will hit him in a week? and is it really possible to be " head over heels" for someone one day and then feel nothing the next? apparently. Maybe the part that hurts the most is that from the beginning he preached about honesty and trust and communication, and then hes the one who failed to do all three. He knew how he was feeling yet left me in the dark. Made me believe that everything was fine....perfect rather so I continue to give everything I have into make this work.....and then one day.....after a great day ( or so I thought) he decides that this isnt working. WOW......like i said...right squarly in the face.
So now here I am left to pick up the pieces.....usually i never let this happen, never let down my guard...but he was good.....really good.....he knew what to say, how to treat me...you know all those things that make a girl melt.....he knew....but he also knows how to tear it all apart. "Dont wait for me" he says......as if I have anyother choice. Yeah my head says forget him, he's nothing, he only hurts you, builds you up then tears you down. But my heart loves him, loves what we had, what he said we could have again.....I dont know what to do......wait a week? get on with my life? what?....there are no answers......there never are.

A complete 180

Well i know this is going to be a weird post and might not make sense especially following my last one but its been a while and apparently things can change faster than you might think. There really isnt much I can say right now...Im hurt and at a loss of words I really dont know what has happened...but Avril Said it best so I paste clips of her new song....maybe you'll understand.

"My Happy Ending"
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...
Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be
[Chorus:]You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away

All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be
It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

Guess Im the fool Again!

"You're The Man (That Brings The Woman Out Of Me)"
Sitting here all by myself with my heart up
On the shelfThis house don’t feel like home to me
I watch the clock up on the wall, Time stands
Still that’s all When You’re out of reach I wish you could see
Since you went away I’ve been feeling this way
What I really want to say
I wanna see you, I wanna be with you, I wanna Feel you
And put my arms around you when I hold you I won’t let go of you baby
If I could kiss you I’d make love to you ‘cause I need you
Like I never needed anybody, oh baby can’t You see
You’re the man that brings the woman out of MeI
took a walk out in the rain, Knowing that You feel the same
With each goodbye I’m closer to you
Though the miles pull us apart, We both knewIt from the start
Together we can make it through
Every minute that you’re gone is a minute too Long
Right here’s where you belong
I wanna see you, I wanna be with you, I wanna Feel you
And put my arms around you when I hold youI won’t let go of you baby If I could kiss you
I’d make love to you ‘causeI need you
Like I never needed anybody, oh baby can’tYou see
You’re the man that brings the woman out of Me
And when we are together it’s like nothing That I’ve ever felt before
When you lay your hands on me
It‘s lightning and it’s thunder, this sweet
Spell that I’m underBaby,
You’re all that I needI wanna see you, I wanna be with you, I wannaFeel you
And put my arms around you when I hold youI won’t let go of you babyIf I could kiss you
I’d make love to you ‘causeI need you
Like I never needed anybody, oh baby can’tYou see
You’re the man that brings the woman out of Me

Me and My Baby 

OXYMORON??? I think so

Ok so before I go into why I am so happy I have to tell you this OH MY GOD story. OK so I knew it was happening yesterday. My ex boyfriends ex girlfriend who is a huge whore....( no seriously) not to mention a little sad and pathetic...one of those girls who calls their ex's ex gf and cries to them asking what they should do to hold on to their man?....lol sorry hunny if you dont know then you dont deserve him...anyway besides the point...well anyway one day at work i walked into my boss's office and saw a little pamphlet? ( wow what a horrible word) with a bunch of girls pictures on it in bikini's....as I looked a little closer I saw her picture on the cover....MISS HAWIAN TROPIC.....oh lord i thought to myself....anyway so the finals were last night and let me tell you there wasnt really all that much competition to begin with BUT the funny part is that she actually won....Well....what can i say.....WHORES ARE US......I mean parading yourself around IN A BAR in your bikini letting dirty old men judge you....now please....I think its kind of humorous but also somewhat sad...sad that these girls would do this but also...sad that THIS GIRLS IS THE PRETTIEST IN WINDSOR????? I THINK NOT......Anyway check this out... WELCOME TO WHORE WORLD
And the winner is.....

What is this world coming too.... Anyway i know i told you I would tell you my good news but I do not want to cheapen it by adding it to this post..so ill catch ya in a few.....

Its ok you dont have to tell me....I know I am a genius

Ok well here is the NEW and IMPROVED Nightly Confessions...or at least it will stay this way until I get bored of this one and begin my search for a new template I found it on BlogSkins.com . But regardless.....I am a genius...ok so I didnt come up with the template myself and I didnt write all the HTML coding but I did cut and paste it into my blog..and I did have to try and figure out how to do a bunch of things I didnt know how to do before...so I think it turned out quite nicely if I do say so myself.
Trust me it took me like three hours to get it all done......if at first you dont succeed...TRY TRY again and well....this is the fruit of my labour lol.
Anyway......oh....the blog before this is an audio blog....and I just figured out how to do that today also......mmm i amaze even myself sometimes.

Laverne and Shirley?.....

lol nice name for the start of this blog but as I am sitting here contemplating on what I should write all I can hear is the theme song to Laverne and Shirley.......
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.Sclemeel, schlemazel, hasenfeffer incorporated.We're gonna do it! ugggg.....although I seriously wish that show were still on...*sigh* gone are the good old days where the shows were funny and kids could watch them.....now its the adventures of pokieman and that sort of crap. Anyway NOT what I wanted to write about today but it seems as though this crappy weather has taken all the good thoughts and my feelings from yesterday and squashed them. I have the memories from yesterday and let me tell you...BEST DAY IN A LONG TIME......but i can honestly say it was worth it.....crazy i know but...well ya know....
No actually you dont because I am talking in riddles again but eh what can ya do.

Anyway I was jumping around my apartment this morning like a crazy woman. I called into work to see if the golf course was open due to all this rain and Rick..the crazy, space cadet, the head honcho said no that it wasnt open until 11 and that he would transfer me to my boss. So up I go through the phone line...and magically mark is now on the phone....I say "Hey mark its kara...." he says.." yeah....mmmmmm well you have the day off today.." and then i proceeded to jump around semi squeeling trying to be quiet enough to not wake up my roomie......I mean I need the money but WHOO HOO another day off. ( i had yesterday off too)

So mmmmm what can i do today. Well I may just head off to the Womyn center get a little bit of work done there.......ah i dunno.......i hope that all of the sudden it gets bright and shiny out so i dont have to work and then i can lay in the sun :)

Ciao for now.

Hey ....Well I did it. I finally found the tattoo I am going to get. My sister and I wanted to get something the same so i thought of the Chinese symbol for sister. Went looking for it and found one that means elder sister and one that means younger sister. So......yeah.... its going to be little and I am SOOOOOOOOOOO scared...but hey itll be cool.