At Any GIven Moment

At any given moment life can change.
Your world can stop....then start again.
Decisions can be made.

I made one today....well actually over the last couple of days.

I am going to Korea. Life is to short to work 50 hour weeks.
It is to short to come home exhausted every night.
I gave up the dream to be a lawyer for that exact reason and now look where i am.

In a few months I will finally be free. On my way to financial freedom....on my way to a peaceful mind. On my way to living my life the way I want to live it.

The thrill that that idea gives me is amazing. I am so excited...I cannot wait. The only trouble now will be to keep it inside.

I well serets are fun. Well you know my secrets, but I know you wont tell.

Anyway, You'll be hearing more from me now....now that my life is no longer being infiltrated by the "rat race"

...:) peace out!

When you Least Expect it.....

Sometimes life gives you what you need......even when you don't expect it. So cherish the gifts you have....regardless for how long you have them. In relative time to eternity..LIFE IS SHORT.

I'll be around- my confessions have become too much for me to bear......release is necessary....and isn't that where you come in? Acting as my tower of strength? my ear of reason?

Today is a new day....so much to explain- to reveal- maybe you can make sense of this confusion i feel.....maybe you can make this ok....maybe.....just maybe I will wake up...and realize this was only a dream....

If only.....

Been a while

I am not going to write a lot, but yes it has been a while. A lot has changed.

Life is still life......and things are still not always as you wished they would be.

How's that for positive thinking?

Not so alone in my world

Written Sept 2nd.
My heart aches for you
but you cannot see it
my want and need for you
my love
I understand your confusion
and the pain you feel
but i have pain to
and its getting hard to bare
My tears flow freely
my sobs are loud
my breath is rapid
Will you ever love me
the way i love you?
can you not give me this chance
and see where it may lead?
I know you are scared
I feel your fear
It is mine as well
But i choose happiness over hell.
I choose you.

I use to have hope......I use to need everything planned out....to know where I was going....for some reason i dont need that anymore. Well I am trying to not need that. My life has taken some huge turns lately. My goals and dreams have changed and to something new just to something that has been on the back burner for a while. These last two weeks I have realized that things I have been denying myself for song long....do not need to be denied any longer.

I know that you all may not understand and this blog is someone UNCLEAR but it will all start to unravel in the days to come. Just know that I am much better now. I know my last couple of posts have been somewhat gloomy and hopeless...but i was out of control.....i was alone.....felt torn apart.....

So we'll see where this journey goes......

Have Hope

I cant take this

I cant do this anymore....everything reminds me of him. I see his car everywhere and it doesnt matter what colour it is....everywhere. I hear songs that make me think of him and us....how do i do this?

this is the song......that says it all......its me and its aweful.....and its the best song.....i wish i knew what was going on......im going crazy.......get a grip kara...holy fuck.....

Something 'bout the way you looked at me
Made me think for a moment,
That maybe we were meant to be
Living our lives seperately
And it's strange that things change
But not me wanting you so desperately

Oh why can't I ignore it?
I keep giving it in but I should know better
'Cause there was something 'bout the way you looked at me
And it's strange that things change
But not me wanting you so desperately
You looked my way and said "you frustrate me"
Like you're thinking of lines and times
When you and I were you and me
We took our chance out on the street
Then I missed my chance
And chances are it won't be coming back to me
Why can't I ignore it? I keep giving in, but I should know better
'Cause there was something 'bout the way you looked at me
And it strange that things change
But not me wanting you-So desperately So desperately

I keep giving in but I should know better
I keep giving in but I should know better
So desperately I want you so desperately

I'm half gone.........

My Life in a box

Well i do not know if this title will really fit this blog but I had to call it something. This last week has been the longest of my life or at least it feels like that. It has definetly not been one of my best......long story short ...my world was ripped apart but thank god I finally feel like I am putting it back together piece by piece. The unfortunate part if that I am trying to find answers from others rather than looking to myself for them. I have never done that before and I feel ashamed that I have done it.....Feel niave and weak. That I actually let myself be duped.....unfortunetly right now there is still part of me that holds on to everything she said to me in hopes that she really knew me.....really knew what I was about ........but thats not possible....no one really knows me....no one really gets me.........and thats the sad part......
SHe was right about a lot of things.....so i suppose all i can do is wait.........its killing me....ripping me apart one thread at a time.......but i hope to be able to pick up the pieces later.......i dunno what will happen......i cant only wait.