Life has a funny Way of........
Making you want certain things you didn't think you would ever want. This past weekend has been a sex and the city marathon for me...And let me tell you it has been very carthatic......mmm is that even a word actually according to dictionary.com it is but the other definition instead of " bringing about catharsis" has something to do with the purging of the bowels.....yuck..... anyway.... Carrie Bradshaw one of the most amazing female characters to ever exist asked if we are simply victims of conditioned responses? are we always making the same decisions in different situations? Do we always make the same mistakes? I wonder how you change.....how do you stop the pattern from happening over and over?
Today was a great day....I played 18 holes of golf....9 which were by myself....something I truly needed. Time to myself, to think.......what do I want? what do I need? I didnt find any answers, but it felt good. To be out there in complete silence....I didnt really care at all where my ball went ....it was just the being alone part that I enjoyed.
I apologize for my thoughts being a little scattered tonight.....
Is it really possible to be friends with an ex? After all the hoopla is over......is it really possible to have a great frienship? what if you arent even friends during your relationship? Is there really anything to hold on to? The most difficult part is knowing that the other person was good for part of you....but destructive to another part......( side note...how many parts do we have? and is there someone who can be compatible with them all?) I suppose that would be the short definition of a soulmate....someone who clicks with all my parts LOL...sorry that just sounds a little funny.
Ironically enough I am sitting on my balcony in his sweater......but yet it doesnt make me feel any closer to him. I havent yet figured out if that is a good thing or a bad thing?
I practically threw myself at him yesterday......i was a wreck but yet it didnt seem to phase him one bit....after I left.....and well into today...I realized that that wasnt really who I was...I think I was conforming into something he use to have......the girls he use to date would probably have done something like that...and I felt ashamed......but the other part of me knows that something good is worth fighting for....was I really fighting? or holding onto something that was comfortable? How maybe people today hold onto a relationship simply because it is more comfortable than starting fresh with someone new? whether it be 2 months, 1 year or even 10 years? why is it that we think holding on benefits us in the end?
Unfortunetly I am not the only one dealing with this issue. A really good friend of mine was seeing this guy who was holding on for dear life......assuming that he was being good to his gf of 10 years by staying with her.....but really he is torturing her.....dooming her to a life of unhappiness....when maybe her soulmate is waiting for her...out there....somewhere.
All I can say is the pain was considerably less today.....and I am not quite sure how to interpret that....does that mean i dont care and that letting it slip away is what I really want/need? Or am I trying to distance myself from the pain in order to go about my day to day life? Ah this confusion is irritating......
I need some peace.......
Today was a great day....I played 18 holes of golf....9 which were by myself....something I truly needed. Time to myself, to think.......what do I want? what do I need? I didnt find any answers, but it felt good. To be out there in complete silence....I didnt really care at all where my ball went ....it was just the being alone part that I enjoyed.
I apologize for my thoughts being a little scattered tonight.....
Is it really possible to be friends with an ex? After all the hoopla is over......is it really possible to have a great frienship? what if you arent even friends during your relationship? Is there really anything to hold on to? The most difficult part is knowing that the other person was good for part of you....but destructive to another part......( side note...how many parts do we have? and is there someone who can be compatible with them all?) I suppose that would be the short definition of a soulmate....someone who clicks with all my parts LOL...sorry that just sounds a little funny.
Ironically enough I am sitting on my balcony in his sweater......but yet it doesnt make me feel any closer to him. I havent yet figured out if that is a good thing or a bad thing?
I practically threw myself at him yesterday......i was a wreck but yet it didnt seem to phase him one bit....after I left.....and well into today...I realized that that wasnt really who I was...I think I was conforming into something he use to have......the girls he use to date would probably have done something like that...and I felt ashamed......but the other part of me knows that something good is worth fighting for....was I really fighting? or holding onto something that was comfortable? How maybe people today hold onto a relationship simply because it is more comfortable than starting fresh with someone new? whether it be 2 months, 1 year or even 10 years? why is it that we think holding on benefits us in the end?
Unfortunetly I am not the only one dealing with this issue. A really good friend of mine was seeing this guy who was holding on for dear life......assuming that he was being good to his gf of 10 years by staying with her.....but really he is torturing her.....dooming her to a life of unhappiness....when maybe her soulmate is waiting for her...out there....somewhere.
All I can say is the pain was considerably less today.....and I am not quite sure how to interpret that....does that mean i dont care and that letting it slip away is what I really want/need? Or am I trying to distance myself from the pain in order to go about my day to day life? Ah this confusion is irritating......
I need some peace.......
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