Dear You
I am writing you this letter because i got to the golf course today and totally forgot that we would be stationary and I forgot a book or some other form of entertainment to keep my busy! Go figure.
So anyway I hope you dont mind but this letter may be long and silly but please just bear with me!
So anyway the course looks much better than I had anticipated. I totally expected to come to work today and find swamps and huge puddles convering the grass but to my dismay everything looks normal. It is sunny, warm, with a nice gentle breeze that every so often will blow through and remind me of days when I was little playing in the backyard without a care in the world. Those days are long gone or so it may seem. No even my most relaxing days are filled with worry and stress. There always seems to be that underlying pressure just waiting..... Anyway back to the course and the beauty of today.
The birds are singing away "chirp, chirp" I hear them and watch them fly freelu from tree to tree. Today its almost as if they carry the meaning of life on their wings. So free, no inhabitions,no stress, no predators, ( Unless you count a a flying golf ball) and yes i can only imagine.....a poor little bird flying through the air without a care in the world. All of the sudden "Whack" Hit with a ball, falling from the sky, hitting the ground with a thud. Dead. No one yelled "four", no one ran to see the injured bird, but simply stomped their foot, threw their club because that bird cost them a birdie.
Well thankfully no birds have been hit on my watch. 'Knock on Wood'
Anyway I sit here and watch a group of four on the #1 green. Today is a shotgun you see so everyone starts at a different hole and plays their round. I am not sure what point of the game these golfers are at right now but it looks as if they are nearing the end. No more cheering for great shots made, no high five's for birdies or eagles. Just a sheer look of desperation to get to the next hole.
Something like life I suppose.
No enjoyment of the road you are on at the moment but a drive so strong for that next journey. ' Wake up and smell the roses'.
With any luck this group of four will get to the next hole, T off only to end up in the bunker or the pond.... oops a double bogey......mmmmm how like life.
Well 3:51pm and I have been sitting here for almost an hour and only three sales so far. Apparently the alcoholics have decided to stay indoors.....oopps wait one second customers....
Okay well one beer and two smirnoff later....mmmm coors light not my drink of choice but I suppose I have not auired a taste for it yet. I suppose if I am going to aquire a taste for something.....I mean it could be gasoline? or maybe dirt? Well okay i must admit I have tried dirt before but a very long time ago, not a great experience, although there was no hangover the next morning.
?????mmmmm idea??????.........I THINK NOT.
Well nine minutes have gone by and the skies have gotten considerably darker. A part of me hopes that it rains. To see all these golfers get wet. I of course will be protected in my little snack cart with the blue and white striped tarp, but the rain seems to be staying at bay. Too bad.
Well I am sure that I have managed to bore you to death but maybe I have made you crack just a tiny hint of that beautiful smile. So the rest of these pages will be full of current issues......
Like how last week has been like a dream for me. I am not even sure that there are words in our human existance that could capture the essence of how I feel. Being the real me is much more exciting than I had thought. I have been much to scared to ever attempt coming out of the world I had created for myself. My world of fear. This place where I feel I dont belong has somehow now been opened up to me....The most frightening thing in the world is.... well maybe ill save that for another day.
I feel safe with you, My soul is at peace with you. There is this feeling of tranquillity (notice the two L's) This past week has made me realize that all the bridges into the " real" world that I thought I had burned were only hidden from my view. Hidden by the fog. I can picture it so clearly in my head. A scene from a Kinkaide picture....Serenity.
You make me want to sing like no one is listening and dance like no one is watching. You make me want to be me and that is the greatest gift anyone has ever given me. So no matter what happenes....Thank you!
Well on that note I will end this hopefully with my pride still intact but thank you. You are amazing and deserve the best. I am blessed to know you.
So anyway I hope you dont mind but this letter may be long and silly but please just bear with me!
So anyway the course looks much better than I had anticipated. I totally expected to come to work today and find swamps and huge puddles convering the grass but to my dismay everything looks normal. It is sunny, warm, with a nice gentle breeze that every so often will blow through and remind me of days when I was little playing in the backyard without a care in the world. Those days are long gone or so it may seem. No even my most relaxing days are filled with worry and stress. There always seems to be that underlying pressure just waiting..... Anyway back to the course and the beauty of today.
The birds are singing away "chirp, chirp" I hear them and watch them fly freelu from tree to tree. Today its almost as if they carry the meaning of life on their wings. So free, no inhabitions,no stress, no predators, ( Unless you count a a flying golf ball) and yes i can only imagine.....a poor little bird flying through the air without a care in the world. All of the sudden "Whack" Hit with a ball, falling from the sky, hitting the ground with a thud. Dead. No one yelled "four", no one ran to see the injured bird, but simply stomped their foot, threw their club because that bird cost them a birdie.
Well thankfully no birds have been hit on my watch. 'Knock on Wood'
Anyway I sit here and watch a group of four on the #1 green. Today is a shotgun you see so everyone starts at a different hole and plays their round. I am not sure what point of the game these golfers are at right now but it looks as if they are nearing the end. No more cheering for great shots made, no high five's for birdies or eagles. Just a sheer look of desperation to get to the next hole.
Something like life I suppose.
No enjoyment of the road you are on at the moment but a drive so strong for that next journey. ' Wake up and smell the roses'.
With any luck this group of four will get to the next hole, T off only to end up in the bunker or the pond.... oops a double bogey......mmmmm how like life.
Well 3:51pm and I have been sitting here for almost an hour and only three sales so far. Apparently the alcoholics have decided to stay indoors.....oopps wait one second customers....
Okay well one beer and two smirnoff later....mmmm coors light not my drink of choice but I suppose I have not auired a taste for it yet. I suppose if I am going to aquire a taste for something.....I mean it could be gasoline? or maybe dirt? Well okay i must admit I have tried dirt before but a very long time ago, not a great experience, although there was no hangover the next morning.
?????mmmmm idea??????.........I THINK NOT.
Well nine minutes have gone by and the skies have gotten considerably darker. A part of me hopes that it rains. To see all these golfers get wet. I of course will be protected in my little snack cart with the blue and white striped tarp, but the rain seems to be staying at bay. Too bad.
Well I am sure that I have managed to bore you to death but maybe I have made you crack just a tiny hint of that beautiful smile. So the rest of these pages will be full of current issues......
Like how last week has been like a dream for me. I am not even sure that there are words in our human existance that could capture the essence of how I feel. Being the real me is much more exciting than I had thought. I have been much to scared to ever attempt coming out of the world I had created for myself. My world of fear. This place where I feel I dont belong has somehow now been opened up to me....The most frightening thing in the world is.... well maybe ill save that for another day.
I feel safe with you, My soul is at peace with you. There is this feeling of tranquillity (notice the two L's) This past week has made me realize that all the bridges into the " real" world that I thought I had burned were only hidden from my view. Hidden by the fog. I can picture it so clearly in my head. A scene from a Kinkaide picture....Serenity.
You make me want to sing like no one is listening and dance like no one is watching. You make me want to be me and that is the greatest gift anyone has ever given me. So no matter what happenes....Thank you!
Well on that note I will end this hopefully with my pride still intact but thank you. You are amazing and deserve the best. I am blessed to know you.
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